Written by Elodie Trochez
Instagram: @royalfox66
This story starts like your average travel blog post: I was staying in this beautiful yoga retreat for about 3 weeks in the Philippines, in the town of Puerto Princesa.
The main rules of the retreat were that we could not bring any snacks, sweets or alcohol while we stayed there – I guess as a purpose to like, get your life better or whatever and eventually leave “stress free” but how am I meant to be stress free if sweets and snacks were forbidden?
But ok, sure, I had stayed in other places before that. But before I left, I was in the capital which had an abundance of sweet and salty snacks – so it would be rude of me not to stock up before the retreat, but perhaps I did just pack a few with me.. Just in case.
I kept seeing one cat hanging out wandering around our room, and obviously as a lover of cats I felt so honoured this cat had chosen our room, and me to cuddle with! I am the cat whisperer.
About a week into the retreat I noticed my bags were all messy and things were scattered all over our cabin floor, I didn’t think much of it because clearly I’m focussed on being a stress-free kale-eating-soul-searching yogi. I am a duck and like water off my back I was here to relax and recharge.
I kept seeing this one cat wandering around our cabin, then the stairs and then inside of our bedroom, which was open without a door. Thought it was cute.
Until one day I returned from a day of yoga and, me thinking I had truly acquired inner peace, I saw 2 cats, then 3, then 4, the whole family was chilling in our cabin. This was all well and good but I am not a cat person, but if they want to hang around the cabin that’s fine.
So I’m like, ok… I get that I am now a super powerful yogi but this amount of cats is not it. One night during the end of our stay I was deep asleep and out of nowhere I woke up seeing these big eyes staring back at me behind this giant Garfield ginger cat. In my half-awake state I really thought it was cartoon Garfield who jumped onto my bed and began climbing the mosquito net. And behind in the half-asleep state I was in, pissed, my palm went forward and I SLAPPED him off my bed and off the mosquito net and like a little orange enchilada he went ROLLING out the door, oh my GOD. I jumped out of bed and saw 6 cats trying to get to my bag of food and clawing at the packaging and rummaging through my bag. I screeched and jumped up and hurled my bag out the door, taking about 3 cats with it and in a blur, fell nicely back to sleep.
The next morning I woke up ready to do another day of yoga when I stepped out the door, saw my bag on the ground and snacks had been infiltrated and totally ripped open. How did I not realise they were after the food the whole time?
In contrast to the yogi posts on instagram of girls doing the splits by a waterfall or headstands in the middle of a secluded beach #yoga #innerhealing #selfcare – I don’t think anyone tells you about the time you were raided in the middle of the night by a team of furry burglars.
So I think I may have figured out the real reason for the snack ‘detox’, that isn’t so much about inner peace..
P.S No cats were harmed in the making of this story.
Written by Elodie Trochez
Instagram: @royalfox66